Does the hen pay?
The Ultimate Guide to Splitting Costs
Meta Description: Confused about hen do costs and who pays what? Our complete guide covers hen party etiquette, how to split expenses fairly, and avoid money drama. Perfect for bridesmaids and brides-to-be.
Planning a hen do and suddenly realising you're drowning in a sea of costs, payment requests, and awkward money conversations? You're not alone. The question "who pays for the hen on her hen do?" is probably the most googled hen party query after "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" (spoiler: it doesn't, and neither do the photos).
Let's sort this out once and for all, shall we?
The Golden Rule: Does the Bride Pay for Her Own Hen Do?
Here's the short answer: traditionally, no. According to Debrett's guide to hen party etiquette, the established protocol says the bridesmaids and attendees cover the bride's costs. Think of it as a gift – you're treating her to one last wild weekend before she becomes someone's wife.
But (and there's always a but), times have changed. Modern hen dos often involve expensive weekends away, spa treatments, and activities that can cost hundreds per person. The old rules don't always fit today's reality.
How Hen Do Costs Are Typically Split
The Traditional Split
In the classic approach, bridesmaids and attendees pay for:
The bride's accommodation
Her meals and drinks
Activities and experiences
Transport costs
Any special treats or surprises
The Modern Reality Check
Many hen parties today use a more flexible approach:
Shared accommodation costs: Everyone pays their own way, including the bride
Activities: The group covers the bride's share
Meals and drinks: Varies by venue and occasion
Special extras: Surprises and treats are still typically covered by the group
When the Bride Should Contribute
Sometimes it makes perfect sense for the bride to chip in, especially when:
Budget-Conscious Friends
If your hen party crew includes students, new mums, or anyone going through a tight financial patch, expecting them to cover your costs on top of their own can be seriously unfair. A good bride recognises this and offers to pay her share.
Expensive Destinations
Planning a hen weekend in Ibiza or a spa retreat in the Cotswolds? Recent surveys show that the average hen party cost in the UK is now over £200 per person. When costs spiral beyond this average, it's reasonable for everyone (including the bride) to contribute equally.
Large Groups
With bigger hen parties (10+ people), splitting the bride's costs becomes more manageable per person. But it also means more complex money management – hello, spreadsheet nightmares.
How to Handle Hen Party Expenses Without the Drama
Have "The Money Chat" Early
Before anyone books anything, sit down (or jump on a group call) and discuss:
Total budget per person
Whether the bride will contribute
Payment deadlines
Who's handling the money
Set Clear Expectations
Nothing kills the hen do vibe faster than surprise costs. Be upfront about:
Accommodation splits
Activity prices
Meal budgets
Drinks allowances
Any extras or surprises
Use Technology to Your Advantage
Gone are the days of chasing people via WhatsApp for money transfers. Modern hen party planning means using tools that actually work:
Track who's paid what
Set up payment plans for bigger expenses
Keep everyone in the loop automatically
Avoid awkward money conversations
Regional Differences and Cultural Expectations
UK Hen Do Traditions
British hen parties traditionally follow the "treat the bride" mentality, especially for:
Final meal (usually Sunday lunch)
First round of drinks
Any bride-specific activities or treatments
This aligns with broader UK wedding traditions where different parties traditionally cover specific costs, though modern couples are increasingly flexible about these conventions.
International Variations
If you're planning with friends from different backgrounds, be aware that expectations vary. Some cultures expect everyone to pay equally, while others have different gift-giving traditions. The Wikipedia guide to bachelorette parties shows how these celebrations have evolved differently across various countries and cultures.
What About the Maid of Honour?
The maid of honour often takes on extra financial responsibility, covering:
Planning costs and deposits
Decorations and surprises
Emergency fund for unexpected expenses
Sometimes a larger portion of the bride's costs
But this shouldn't be assumed – it needs to be discussed and agreed upon.
Red Flags: When Hen Do Costs Go Too Far
Watch out for these warning signs that your hen party budget is getting out of hand:
Individual costs exceeding £300+ per person
Hidden or surprise expenses appearing last minute
People dropping out due to cost concerns
The bride demanding premium options without contributing
Making It Work for Everyone
The Democratic Approach
Let the group vote on:
Budget limits per person
Whether the bride contributes
Activity preferences based on cost
Accommodation standards
The Graduated System
Consider different contribution levels based on:
Financial situations
Relationship to the bride
Role in the wedding party
The Transparent Method
Share all costs openly:
Create a shared document with all expenses
Update payment status regularly
Discuss any changes as a group
Your Hen Do Money Management Checklist
Before You Start:
[ ] Discuss budget limits with the group
[ ] Decide if the bride contributes
[ ] Choose someone to manage payments
[ ] Set payment deadlines
During Planning:
[ ] Get quotes for all activities
[ ] Book accommodation with clear cost splits
[ ] Track deposits and payments
[ ] Communicate any cost changes immediately
Final Steps:
[ ] Settle all outstanding payments
[ ] Share final cost breakdown
[ ] Plan thank you gestures
[ ] Document lessons learned for next time
The Bottom Line
There's no one-size-fits-all answer to who pays for the hen on her hen do. The key is honest communication from the start. Whether you follow traditional etiquette or create your own rules, everyone should know what they're signing up for financially.
Remember, the goal is celebrating your bride-to-be, not creating money drama that lasts longer than the hangover. A successful hen party is one where everyone has fun without breaking the bank or harboring resentment about costs.
Take the Stress Out of Hen Do Planning
Tired of juggling spreadsheets, chasing payments, and explaining costs to three different WhatsApp groups? There's an easier way to handle hen party expenses without the headache.
Ready to plan your next hen do without the faff? Discover how The Tally App streamlines group planning, handles cost splits automatically, and keeps everyone in the loop – so you can focus on the fun stuff instead of the finances.
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Still have questions about hen do costs? Drop us a line – we've seen it all when it comes to group planning drama, and we're here to help sort it out.